Toys of Christmas future: Fisher-Price gets all conceptual

Fisher-Price is painting the parenting of tomorrow in a rosy consumerist glow in this speculative promo released earlier this week.

Slick production values? Check.

Uplifting, royalty-free muzak bed? Check.

Radiant young mother and child swathed in the hollow accoutrements of the bourgeoisie? Checkity-check-check.   

“Inspired by technology advancements in our rapidly changing world,” the pitch goes, “Fisher-Price has envisioned the Future of Parenting”.

“In the next decade, technology will empower parents and enable early childhood development through immersive, personalized experiences.”

By that they mean CGI humming birds, touch-screen everything, seemingly endless wall projections and a bouncenette that looks like it costs about a thousand dollars. In the push-buttonless future, drawing paper is obsolete and decorative holograms spew forth from every conceivable fissure.

If that’s not ‘empowerment’ I don’t know what is.

“Products shown within the Future of Parenting vision are conceptual and not yet available for sale.”